this one stands on itself

Complete Meathead: Hey, do you know who Prof. Elliott is?

Not Meathead: Yeah.

Complete Meathead: Is he tight? Is he, like, American?

Not Meathead: Yeah. I guess you could say that. If you really want to know, he's kind of like the school's leading contrarian.

Complete Meathead: Cunt?

Not Meathead: Uhh...yeah, he's real American.

Complete Meathead: Tight.

Overheard in North Quad by Alex.

Send us a title, if we pick it, we'll suck your balls

CMC Jock 1 to Jock 2: Dude, if I get All-American, you're going to have to suck on my balls!
CMC Jock 3, demonstrating with large banana: No, no, dude, dude... and if he gets All-American you're going to have to stick his dick all the way down your throat!
CMC Jock 2: I don't know if I'm comfortable with that.

overheard by a Scrippsie at Collins

40/m/claremont

middle-aged crafts fair attendee: I used to go over to their house back when they had that stripper....

-Claremont Village Venture, at a lawn ornaments booth

last time I e-mail my prof for an extension

scripps girl: It took so much strength to write that message without including the words "you fucktard"


overheard by a confused scripps girl on the lawn

whats the emoticon for 'i'm pregnant'?

scripps girl: I sent him a message saying "Damn, I couldn't resist making babies with you"

overheard by a surprised scripps girl in a dorm

a/s/l?

Whiny Girl to Friends: you know, i really think i deserve a new ringtone...

i mean, i totally hate the one i have right now, and on top of that, my vibrator's broken!

Overheard by Julie at Julie's House

DendrophiliaXXX

[loud thud]

Belligerent Drunk Dude: hey FUCK YOU tree!

Overheard by Julie at Julie's House

Girls LOOOVE Dick

Peppy Girl on cellphone: ...Oh and William sent me a picture of his penis! That was exciting!

Overheard by Claudia at Scripps

that's what i call a sticky situation

Group of four semi-geeky freshmen walking side by side: "Let's walk in a trapezoid!"

[they get in the shape of a trapezoid and keep walking]

Alpha girl: "I'm leading the trapezoid!"

that's what i call a sticky situation

Drunk Guy #1: [yelling at 3am outside of Frary on the night of the foam party] "Dude--I can't believe you've been having dreams about my girlfriend. That's messed up."

Drunk Guy #2: "It's her fault!"

So, yeah, pretty open then

drunk dude: so are you guys, like, in a real relationship or an open relationship or what?

probably drunk chick: naw, we're engaged.

Overheard by Michel

Now THAT would be quite a viewbook

[senior streaks a group photo at cmc]

Freshman girl 1: Did you see how big his penis was?

Freshman girl 2: I love this school!

Overheard by another WOA senior

We're Back

Summer hiatus is over. WHAT NOW, HOES!

I certainly can't see the downside

Hippie Dude: It's made out of soy?
Hippie Chick: Yeah, so it's totally not a problem that it was on your dick.
Hippie Dude: Oh...I guess it's all for the best, then.

Overheard by a republican around harvey mudd

Tell that to the jews

Stag 1: The art of paying midgets to make you laugh is older than time itself.
Stag 2: Hell, that's practically why they invented money.

Overheard at Collins by doubtful sagehen

lesbian:hardon as oil:water

guy: what are the implications of you getting a dick-in-a-box for your sister, kimberly*? that suggests that you have a lesbian hard-on for your sister!

Overheard at pomona by andy

The moral of the story: get a vasectomy and keep it a secret

Drunk Stag #1: So then dude, I just totally had to stick my vasectomy in the refrigerator.

Drunk Stag #2: I know what you mean man. That sucks.

Overheard by a bewildered freshman at TNC

Sucks to your ass-mar

macho guy 1: Hey, so do you have a good number for hall draw?
macho guy 2: Dude, it doesn't matter. everyone's buying and selling weed for their numbers.
macho guy 1: But i have asthma.

overheard by erica near the scripps dinin' hall

like the number for make me a delicious sandwich, bitch

Mudder 1: ok...what's the atomic number for ... europium.
Mudder 2: That's not fair man! You have to name ones people care about!! ... is it 63?

Overheard by Two Befuddled People at the Mudd Hole

Yeah, it was at this place called, like, "Red Lobster" or something!

Hipster on Phone: It was the best fest ever! There was gourmet everything - gourmet shrimp, gourmet weed - gourmet everything!!!

Overheard by penis_hatz in front of the Athenaeum

At least his heart is in the right place

CMC guy 1: I'm gonna go get the keg for tonight.
CMC guy 2: Sweet! I'm gonna get so fucked up and throw up all over myself!...I'd better go take a shower first.

Overheard by a Scrippsie who is Frankly Not Surprised

Maybe its the circumcision

Drunk Pomona Kid: When people are Jewish, I can just tell. Its like I have a third sense or something...

Overheard by Andy round town

She obviously missed Elijah

Total gentile: Plus, I thought it was a seance, not a seder and shit.

Overheard by A Total Shiksa in Wig

Whether they need it or not

Uppity Bitch at the Senate office hours: ...but everyone at YALE gets a free abortion every year!!!!

Overheard by Kevin at Frary

Damn, I thought it was just crazy enough to work

Drunk Sophomore: Do you guys want to eat an apple?
Random Girl: Do you HAVE an apple?
Drunk Sophomore: Well, that plan fucking sucked.

Overheard by Rachel around campus

You can end your hunger strike now!

Stoned Pomona Guy: Hey, you guys, my anal itch has STOPPED!!

Overheard by Some Person at a Pomona concert

Stay tuned for another enthralling episode of ... "Things that Go in my Mouth!"

Picky eater: I eat beans, I eat cheese, I eat BROWN RICE!

Overheard in Collins by Not a Nutritionist But...

I can only get it up for guys with at least a gig of RAM

CMC Nerd: I mean, he's a nice guy...he just doesn't know shit about computers.

Overheard at the Hub by Making Friends for Dummies

That was awesome!! All right, now slam your cock in this car door!!

On the 2nd floor balcony of a dorm at 2 in the morning:
CMC guy with a beer bottle 1: Dude I have a great idea!
CMC guy with a beer bottle 2: What?
CMC guy 1: *walks into room, comes out with a bike, and chucks it off the balcony, watching it bounce down the road*
CMC guy 2: awesome!

-Overheard by passerby slightly afraid for one's life

Sounds like the worst case scenario

Typical Pomona Student: So we were on the road, right, and we saw this person driving ahead of us. She was both Asian AND a girl, so we knew there'd be trouble...

Overheard by luncher in Frank

Yeah, I heard that CHOCOLATE blah blah blah SEX OMG!!!

Scrippsie: You guys! I just came up with a NEW WORD!.....CHOCGASMIC. It's when you eat chocolate and its so good, its CHOCGASMIC.

Overheard at Scripps Dining Hall by Hate Grime

None of my real friends blow less than .12

Alcoholic: Man, I never like parties like Smiley 80's, where everybody at the school goes and gets super drunk, because then I have to take care of somebody who never usually drinks and got too wasted as a result. I mean, this is why I surround myself with alcoholics, so I don't have to deal with shit like that.

Overheard round town by will

All stunts were performed by professional sluts and should not be attempted by amateurs

CMC girl 1: "and then what happened?"
CMC girl 2: "We tried to get into an Eifel Tower but we got tangled in the sheets and fell off the bed."

Overheard by Evan and Nate near a fence

No, man...it's not like that this time! We're in love!

CMCer #1: Dude. I hooked up with this random chick last night after Smiley80s. I don't remember her name.
CMCer #2: Dude. You and your non-diSCRIPPSies.

Overheard at Collins Brunch by a Disappointed Stag

That's no zucchini, that's my wife you son of a bitch!

Wasted Kid in Exhibition line: I want everything in it, except for zucchini. (To friend) Man, zucchini is a BULLSHIT-ass vegetable.


Overheard by veggie-lover at frary

The fatal flaw with gender neutral bathrooms

A bathroom has a sign with a boy and a girl on it, indicating that both can use it:

Drunk girl (looking very worried): "Oh NO!! Do I need a friend to go in there?"

Overheard by Saoirse at pitzer

Yo quiero caviar

(Students at a private elementary school in claremont)

7 yr old #1: And one time, I got my finger smashed in a door in Mexico!

7 yr old #2: Where in Mexico were you?

7 yr old #1: Oh I can't remember, we were all over the place.

7 yr old #3: Well, do you at least remember which cruise you were on?

Overheard by Melissa at foothill country day

An Eggstraordinary Coinceggdence

Some girl: I can't believe I got gonorhea - again!

Overheard by katie outside scripps

It's a funny story, actually..

Conversation about a pillow that says "sisters" on it -
Drunk Pomona girl #1: Who made this for you?
Drunk Pomona girl#2: My step-mom.
Drunk Pomona girl #1: You and your step-mom are sisters?

Overheard in Mudd-Blaisdell by a concerned student

No pun intended

Dude: Sociology is like majoring in your period.

Overheard by Ryan in Frank

Nice going, Bruce Poch

two freshmen girls are trying to figure out the waffle maker at brunch.

freshman girl #1: how does this work?

freshman girl #2: i dont know...i think you pour it in here...

freshman girl #1: ok...

freshman girl #2 (holding up the bottle of no-stick spray): oh my gosh!!!!! it's JUST like my leave-in conditioner!!!!!!!!

freshman girl #1: oh my gosh!!!!!! i LOVE my leave-in conditioner!!!!!!!!

overheard by a concerned bagel-toaster in Frank

Yeah, we should really go down there

Ditzy Blond: We should go to the thrift stores soon because they always get eaten out right before Smiley 80s.

Overheard in Frank Dining Hall by Lech

Yeah man, its in like, the constitution or whatever

Feisty freshman athlete: No means yes, and yes means up the ass.

Overheard by more than bemused

C'mon, don't tell me you haven't looked for it...

Guy to his friend: "...Harriet Tubman porn..."

Overheard by evan's friend

Ohmygod totally RUDE

Some girls are trying on clothes in a thrift store.
Pomona freshman girl #1: ohmygod look at this!
Pomona freshman girl #2: ohmygod shut up!
Girl #3: Shut UP!
Girl #2: SHUT UP!!!
Mexican guy: ay, shut the fuck up.

Overheard by smiley 80's shopper at quality thrift

Right there with ya, broseph

douche #1: I mean, yeah she's hot and all but she looks like a fourteen year old.
douche #2: I'd fuck a fourteen year old

Overheard in Frank dining hall by Mad Duckets

queef when you're quofen to

Drunk Freshman: Lets go PEE in the COOP!!
Senior hanging out with a bunch of drunk freshmen: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Overheard in Smith Campus Center by deez nuts

I guess he's got us pegged...

Guy: So, how'd your hot date end up last night?
Girl: Oh, you know me...a lil somethin somethin...
Guy seated nearby: A godless people, certainly!

overheard by a dude in frank dining hall

Funny, I Never Thought Of It That Way Before

harvey mudd boy to girl, walking from class: Number 3, you're a
robot. Number 4, you're a pirate AND a robot. And number 5... BLANK!

overheard by sara at harvey mudd

Yeah, that's just fucking nuts

Nerdy freshman couple: "Pumpkin bagels and pumpkin cream cheese?! What madness is this?!?"

overheard outside the 42nd Street Bagel in the Village by Laughing in LA

Slightly less sticky

freshman girl on cell: Oh my god! I can't believe she TOTALLY hooked up with her math mentor on saturday!
Parent walking past: Sounds like a sticky situation!
freshman girl: TELL me about it!

overheard in mudd-blaisdell courtyard by some shmuck

Talk About a Sticky Situation

pomona boy: oh, yeah, blue whales for sure shoot off, like, gallons of semen.
pomona girl: wait, so are all of the sperms really big?

overheard by andy at frank

In case you are stupid as fuck, here's what you include with your submission:

Who said it (not their name - their stereotype, ie ditzy freshman girl, exhibition guy at frank, computer science major)

What they said

Where they were

Who you are (can be your name or something super goddamn clever)

We UP

The way this works is just like Overheard In New York - you email us the shit you hear, and we put it up. everybody fucking wins.

overheardinclaremont@gmail.com

-The Team