I certainly can't see the downside

Hippie Dude: It's made out of soy?
Hippie Chick: Yeah, so it's totally not a problem that it was on your dick.
Hippie Dude: Oh...I guess it's all for the best, then.

Overheard by a republican around harvey mudd

Tell that to the jews

Stag 1: The art of paying midgets to make you laugh is older than time itself.
Stag 2: Hell, that's practically why they invented money.

Overheard at Collins by doubtful sagehen

lesbian:hardon as oil:water

guy: what are the implications of you getting a dick-in-a-box for your sister, kimberly*? that suggests that you have a lesbian hard-on for your sister!

Overheard at pomona by andy

The moral of the story: get a vasectomy and keep it a secret

Drunk Stag #1: So then dude, I just totally had to stick my vasectomy in the refrigerator.

Drunk Stag #2: I know what you mean man. That sucks.

Overheard by a bewildered freshman at TNC

Sucks to your ass-mar

macho guy 1: Hey, so do you have a good number for hall draw?
macho guy 2: Dude, it doesn't matter. everyone's buying and selling weed for their numbers.
macho guy 1: But i have asthma.

overheard by erica near the scripps dinin' hall

like the number for make me a delicious sandwich, bitch

Mudder 1: ok...what's the atomic number for ... europium.
Mudder 2: That's not fair man! You have to name ones people care about!! ... is it 63?

Overheard by Two Befuddled People at the Mudd Hole

Yeah, it was at this place called, like, "Red Lobster" or something!

Hipster on Phone: It was the best fest ever! There was gourmet everything - gourmet shrimp, gourmet weed - gourmet everything!!!

Overheard by penis_hatz in front of the Athenaeum

At least his heart is in the right place

CMC guy 1: I'm gonna go get the keg for tonight.
CMC guy 2: Sweet! I'm gonna get so fucked up and throw up all over myself!...I'd better go take a shower first.

Overheard by a Scrippsie who is Frankly Not Surprised

Maybe its the circumcision

Drunk Pomona Kid: When people are Jewish, I can just tell. Its like I have a third sense or something...

Overheard by Andy round town

She obviously missed Elijah

Total gentile: Plus, I thought it was a seance, not a seder and shit.

Overheard by A Total Shiksa in Wig

Whether they need it or not

Uppity Bitch at the Senate office hours: ...but everyone at YALE gets a free abortion every year!!!!

Overheard by Kevin at Frary

Damn, I thought it was just crazy enough to work

Drunk Sophomore: Do you guys want to eat an apple?
Random Girl: Do you HAVE an apple?
Drunk Sophomore: Well, that plan fucking sucked.

Overheard by Rachel around campus

You can end your hunger strike now!

Stoned Pomona Guy: Hey, you guys, my anal itch has STOPPED!!

Overheard by Some Person at a Pomona concert